PRIDE: Kenadie, how do you shake off judgment?

Welcome to the first monthly column from Hamilton drag queen Kenadie St. James! Read on for the best bad advice you’ve ever had!

Hamilton, your problems are officially about to get WORSE. 💋

Local drag legend Kenadie St. James is serving up catastrophically bad life advice in her new HAMILTON CITY Magazine column: Bad Advice From A Good Drag Queen.

Think Dear Abby … if Abby was wearing six-inch heels, three wigs, and actively encouraging poor decisions. Read it. Ignore it. Regret everything.

Send your questions to: cnrproductionsinc@gmail.com

Dear Kenadie,

I’m trying to stop caring so much about what other people think of me. I’m sure you’ve had to deal with judgment in your life—how do you shake off negativity?

Desperately Seeking Susan’s Approval

Dear Desperate,

You have come to the right place at the right time! If there’s someone who gives a rat’s ass about other people’s opinions, it’s definitely me!

First of all, condragulations – you’ve joined the human race. Every person you’ve ever met has spent at least one evening replaying a conversation from a year ago and wondering whether they sounded idiotic. The difference is that some people eventually realize something important: the audience judging you is usually far smaller than you imagine, and they are idiots, too.

Over the years I’ve spent in front of audiences, both large and small, I’ve come to this conclusion: people are going to judge you no matter what. Wear the dress, don’t wear the dress, tell the risky joke, be politically correct, succeed, fail, age, don’t age. Somebody, somewhere, has a complaint ready to go. If you make it your life’s mission to avoid criticism, you’ll spend your whole existence negotiating with people who weren’t going to approve of you no matter what you did.

You could cure cancer, and somebody would still say, “Sure, but did you see what she was wearing?” or “I don’t like her hair,” or “I heard the cure gives you … ”

When I first started entertaining, I’d walk onto a stage and wonder, “Are these people going to like me?” Then one day I looked around and thought, “Have you seen these people?” Suddenly I wasn’t so concerned. It turns out everyone has their own baggage they are carrying around, you should stop carrying theirs as well. I stopped and now my back feels amazing! 

Most of the time we give far too much thought to what others are thinking of us, but think about this: what are the chances that other people are wondering the exact same thing? If you are thinking it, and I’ve thought about it, I guarantee others are worried about what people think of them as well. Now at least you don’t feel so alone! And I can promise you this: the people who are the judgiest are the ones most worried about being judged.

If you want my opinion, which I assume you do considering you wrote to me, I’d tell you to remember the three F’s: Feeding, Financing, and Fornicating. If someone has an opinion about you and they aren’t providing one or more of those three things, they have no bearing on your life, so what does it matter?

And if they are providing one of the three, first, good for you; and second, is their criticism constructive but just delivered badly? If it is, then take it, make adjustments, and move on with your life. If it isn’t, then it may be time to find a new financier to feed and f@*# you.

But overall, there is only one opinion that truly matters: mine. So come to one of my shows, tip me, and we will talk.